Happiness: A First Person Perspective

I used to be found in times of youth
an emotion uncorrupted 
where my every act, albeit uncouth
came across unscripted

It was during those days
I had no definition
a free spirit that found its ways
not deemed as an emotion

but time, the eternal meddler
it too, found its way
from a baby to a toddler
I slowly began to sway

towards the tangible,
oft between toys and treats
it was only what was visible
that made my heart beat

and from a toddler to a child,
I found myself anew
still free, still wild
but slowly slipping into

the regiment of routine,
and the bustling of boundaries
when creating a scene
no longer ended in revelries

and I found myself attracted
to experiences unknown
as adolescence abducted
my innocence, now forlorn 

and suddenly, I seemed lost
tangled up in uncertainty
it came at the cost
the price of puberty

that is when you,
decided I was a mere guest
a fleeting moment that passed through
only accessible at your best

as a result
my appearances were controlled
something to do with you being an adult
and having no reason to uphold

the childish demeanor
that was flaunted without worry
where once I was eager
where once I wasn’t sorry

for as time had its say,
you slowly understood the feeling
I was never meant to stay
I was merely, a state of being

and so I found my mojo
as old age caught your hand
but how was I to know
that this was your final stand

and so you called upon me,
when life seemed to fade away
you said, “Happiness, I set you free,”
“But I know that you will stay.”

PS: The poem talks about how happiness speaks of itself, throughout the process of life. It has a negative look towards it, speaking about how it gradually diminishes as we grow old, from a toddler to a baby, a baby to a boy, from adolescence to adulthood, till you finally breathe your last. the final paragraph basically talks about how, at the time of death, we remember the good, happy times that we spent, and how in our time of death, we set happiness free, as everyone around is cries, not knowing that happiness/joy, stays, in memory, or through the loves ones you leave behind.
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Dead Memories Vol 4.0

Links for the previous volumes in the series.
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I twist and turn all night
kept awake by memories
the ones where wrong and right
have no boundaries

my visuals are rather clear
like it was only yesterday
when I wiped away my first tear
when I begged for you to stay,

Kept holding on to your tether
for no good reason
cause like the changing weather
you were just a passing season

so we waged our wars
while you were looking for fresh starts
and you closed your doors
trying to bury these scars

but little did I know
that all that I ever needed
to simply let go
was to hurt and be defeated

I guess we all need somebody to hurt
and you chose me to be
as dead to you
as I’ve been to me.

Reversal

Heavily inspired by the song Lazarus by Steven Wilson. The song is about loss and about a mother reaching out to her child from beyond the grave. I attempted to bring forth a version presented from the point of view of the child reaching out to his mother from this realm. It follows a tune similar to the one in the song.
Feedback would be very much appreciated!

As a chilling touch,
scrapes my elbow,
I can feel your icy scent
through the morgue,

and then a voice inside my head,
breaks into a monologue,
you say,

Hold me now,
cause I’ll be gone, nevermore,
as my mind is revealing,
all the things I’d never shown,

Your words still lingers,
they help me cope,
for in the darkness of my world,
you were my hope,

So hold me now,
cause I’ll be gone, nevermore,
as my mind is revealing
all the things you’d never know

So hold me now,
cause I’ll be gone, nevermore,
as my mind is revealing
the time lost in woe,

Oh Mother, I’m so sorry,
I could not hold onto you,
my vision seems so blurry,
tears have run through,

(all these years are screaming, as silence now holds onto you)

So hold me now,
cause I’ll be gone, nevermore,
as my soul is revealing,
all the things i let go,

So hold me now,
cause I’ll be gone, nevermore,
as my soul is revealing
the world I let go…

 

Dead Memories Vol 3.0

In time, promises were made
over sea-view cafes and promenades,
when words were whispered over the societal din
of harrowed glances and uncertain whims

Moments turned to stories
when worlds intertwined,
stories to memories
with your hand in mine

Through all the running and hiding,
and the fallacies we learnt to bury
to watch time, and how it was binding
the intricacies of our story

The inevitability of life,
where all good things descend
into the realm of chaos,
where hearts are blind, and minds begin to bend

The uncertainty of a feigned smile,
prodding for loopholes in our defenses
as the distant drumbeat of denial,
laid waste to our pretenses,

Dreams were laid waste like broken bottles,
scattered across our boulevard
As fate furnished her ferocity,
these dead memories leave me scarred.

 

Catastrophe and the cure.

Father tell me, where did I go wrong?
was it when I hurt your creation,
showed her just how strong,
is my damnation,

Was it when I coerced,
my masculinity onto her,
branding and bruising her spirit soul,
to be her conqueror

Is it that I chose to deceive,
thousands, under your guise,
with a prayer and a tether,
falsehood, and celestial alibis

Or was it when I unleashed my fury
showering kin and kind with my lust for lead,
binding them in agony
over decisions made by select country heads

It sure wasn’t when I induced,
the fires and the flames
for these lands are mine to abuse,
and these lives are mere game,

Am I not entitled to all the luxury,
for my color and creed are my bespoken mark,
a darker shade and one’s deemed unworthy,
yet we sleep peacefully in the dark

So father, why do you not reward,
much have I done for your attention,
thought we’d have struck a chord,
after I gifted you many a nation,

O Father tell me, do you hear them in prayer?
watch their tears, and feel their despair,
they hope that they can endure,
not knowing that they are the catastrophe, and the cure.

Interstellar

Interstellar
Far away, in their home
I see the stars blazing
basking in the glowing monochrome
of the sun’s eternal sunshine

Dust and desire have carved empires
of galactic and gaian descent,
nebulae and emperors, black holes and conquerors,
a beginning and an end

Much like the stars,
our minds are burning
for the soul is at war
and our hearts are unforgiving

When stars die, they turn to dust;
from dust we were born
and for all eternity they twinkle
forever a hope for souls forlorn

As you gaze into the darkness
one of those silent starry serene nights
observing the birth and death of a star
witnessing life in all its glorious lights. 

oscarwilde109715

Homecoming.

 

There were many stories to be told
some, i have only smelt
from the pure fragrance of petrichor
to the wintry crisp cold

 

What was once sand and sea
now lies conquered in concrete
The world you once ravaged 
now lies obsolete

 

I remember the technicolor gardens
and monochrome meadows, 
all those days spent
around dusty windows

 

When waiting didn’t last an eternity
only between scarves and sweaters
when the only melody
was the fluttering of letters

 
For far too long
I missed the crunching of your feet,
the caress of your fingers on webbed walls;
even the ones between two eyes and a heartbeat

Age and time had been alluring,
as I awaited your silhouette
the bucolic sunset faded with regret,
there would be no homecoming.

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